Picture it: The stars have aligned, and the zodiac signs are all in one room with none other than the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump. It’s going to be... something.
It is an experience not many could survive.

Here’s how each sign would handle the encounter:

Aries (March 21 - April 19):
Aries would dive right into a debate with Trump, probably interrupting him mid-sentence to make a point about something that probably doesn't matter. By the end of the conversation, they’d both be arguing over who has the most "tremendous" handshake, and J.D. Vance would walk out of the meeting only to declare that he is waiting for a gender reassignement surgery because he cannot keep up.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20):
Taurus would eye Trump’s gold-plated furniture with suspicion, wondering if it’s as comfortable as it looks. As the conversation drifts to his "tremendous" accomplishments, Taurus would nod politely, but in their head, they’re already making plans to buy a better rug... made in China with 100% tariff rate.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20):
Gemini would take one look at Trump’s unpredictability and immediately try to have five conversations at once. One minute they’re discussing golf, the next they’re talking about Twitter, and then somehow they’re trying to figure out who’s the best comedian on late-night TV. Trump, confused but intrigued, might attempt to freeze the next Gemini mission to avoid being overshadowed.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22):
Cancer would be emotionally exhausted after five minutes of meeting Trump, who would undoubtedly tell them how great he is at giving "people the best hugs." Cancer would give him a sympathetic, "I get it, you're great!" but secretly be plotting to take him out for a nice home-cooked meal to soften the edges. Spoiler alert: Trump would probably just ask for fast food instead.

Leo (July 23 - August 22):
Leo and Trump would quickly declare a battle of "who has the better hair." Trump would insist his is real and better because "it’s the best," but Leo would confidently announce that they were born for the spotlight, and anyone in the room could see that. By the end of the encounter, they’d both be giving each other high-fives over how incredible they both are.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22):
Virgo would take one look at Trump’s desk, organize the papers, and give him unsolicited advice on how to better manage his businesses. Trump, flustered but impressed, would start nodding, thinking he was being advised by an expert. Virgo would then give him a long list of things he could do to improve his reputation. Spoiler: Trump wouldn’t listen and think that Virgos are a potential threat to his anti-abortion laws.

Libra (September 23 - October 22):
Libra would try to keep the peace, attempting to have a diplomatic conversation with Trump, offering him soft-spoken compliments and pointing out all the ways his decisions could lead to greater harmony. Trump, being Trump, would not know how to handle such balanced energy and would immediately start shifting the conversation to something random. Libra would then, politely but firmly, start plotting a revenge on the next Aries Ingress. Melania has been hired to write the scenario.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21):
Scorpio would be sizing Trump up from the second they met, trying to figure out exactly how much of his bravado is genuine and how much is an act. They'd give him a look that says, "I know exactly who you are," and then challenge him on everything—most likely with a smile so icy that even Trump would start sweating. He would decide to rename Scorpio 'Little Rocket Man'.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21):
Sagittarius would listen to Trump for about 30 seconds before launching into a passionate diatribe about how the world could be a better place if we all just traveled more. Trump, naturally, would change the subject to something more "important," but Sagittarius would just keep going, planning for U.S.A to become the 11th Province of Canada called South Manitoba.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19):
Capricorn would take Trump’s "big success" story with a grain of salt, quietly calculating how much effort went into creating the empire. They’d appreciate his work ethic, but would secretly be thinking about the time they could have saved by skipping all this small talk and just getting down to business. By the end of the meeting, Capricorn would probably have some side projects lined up and ask Elon Musk to put them in place.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18):
Aquarius would listen to Trump talk about his "great" ideas with polite, detached curiosity. He would gently challenge his beliefs, not out of disrespect but because he truly believes that everyone has something to learn, even him. After an hour of back-and-forth, Aquarius would start daydreaming about his next community project and begin mentally drafting the new technological innovations that will save humanity—most likely in space.
Musk would offer Trump a one-way ticket to Mars.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20):
Pisces would likely enter the meeting with a vague sense of optimism, perhaps imagining that deep down, Trump might be a misunderstood artistic soul. After about 10 minutes of talking about wealth and fame, Pisces would start to tune out, dreaming of an ocean of tranquility and possibly wondering if it’s too late to change the subject to anything else. But they’d still end the conversation with a polite, “It was nice meeting you,” and immediately head to the nearest coffee shop for some emotional recovery.

Ouranos