Skyscript Astrology Forum

These are some of the actual listings for keen.co.uk ?get advice from a live astrologer? service:

Psychotic entrant?s name
# You Tell Me Nothing I Will Tell You All

Psychotic entrant?s name
# 98% ACCURATE LOVE PREDICTIONS

Psychotic entrant?s name
# DO YOU KNOW WHAT ON HIS MIND? I WILL TELL YOU !!!

Psychotic entrant?s name
# MASTER MENTOR - CERTIFIED PSYCHIC

Psychotic entrant?s name
# LOVE CAREER MONEY ? ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!

Psychotic entrant?s name
#Discover your soul mate in 3 mins flat - GUARANTEED!!

I find these sort of headlines very funny, they twist in my mind to:

# You Tell Me Nothing I Will Tell You Nothing
# 0.98% ACCURATE LOVE PREDICTIONS
# DO YOU KNOW WHAT ON HIS MIND? I WILL TELL YOU - SEX!!!
# MASTER MENTOR - CERTIFYABLE PSYCHIC
# LOVE CAREER MONEY ? ANYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR!!!

I wondered how far it was possible to go so a couple of years ago I created Psychotic Lulu. She has two listings:

Pyschotic Lulu
YOUR *MENTAL* MENTOR!!

Pysychotic Lulu
Get online advice from a DEAD astrologer


(Please don?t read if you take your astrology seriously.)

These pages were dedicated to Linda Reid for the subversive, seditious and dissident effect she has on me. I also dedicate them to all mad astrologers who do daft things on a Saturday afternoon for no good reason at all.



(Oh, I see they lowered my rates to ?1.99 an hour ? it was ?199 an hour)

Aha - I see you OUTED yourself - how self indulgent!
Folks, Psychotic Lulu is a Real sub-personality - I've actually seen her walk in a straight line where there was a 90 degree turn. Her insults are second to none and her rudeness is almost equal to mine in a good mood! I am amazed she is still getting business and will go to the site right now and get a humour fix before I walk that bloody Ziggy!

I've actually seen her walk in a straight line where there was a 90 degree turn.

That takes great power. And Lulu may struggle for clients but at least she's not been reduced to walking dogs to earn a living.

When I got the request at 7.03 am Sunday bloody morning I did a horary ( in my mind) and decided that Bob could walk the beast. I didn't analyse the chart, just decided that Bob could walk the beast. Anyone who calls their dog Ziggie Stardust is an idiot in my book. What's wrong with Spot or Rover or Deefa. Wanna see the chart - well you can't because I did it in my head while lying in bed using my genius subpersonality Albert. ( Uranus). He set it for Wynyard, Tas AEDT -11 hours. while I was grinding my teeth in fury. Now I'm going back to bed. It's still morning - I told you not to speak to me until the Sun is over the yardarm. Hey - at $1.99 a throw I'd starve! Good thing Lulu is an ODD ( Old Dead Dude like Lilly and Gadbury and Al Biruni (I think I'll call my next dog Al Biruni)) because she doesn't need to eat. My Pinot Noire with a touch of Merlot costs at least $2 a bottle. I make more than that saving shopper dockets!

Erm, excuse me, it's not $1.99 but ?1.99, which ? I believe - is still a lot of money in your currency.

That?s where the Dean argument falls down isn?t it? Because most people don?t realise that the ultimate level of expertise is doing away with the chart business altogether (too time consuming) and visualising the answer instead. Being able to move the planets to just where you want them gives so much more flexibility.

Deefa ???

Erm - well my British Old Age Pension translate quite well in Aussie dollars! I told Geoffrey Dean that he had a problem not having a decent dose of Pisces in his chart, but he just asked for a cheap consultation to figure out why nobody loves him and why he couldn't be famous like me. I explained that because he has a Pisces Moon/Saturn on the MC he becomes a victim of his own search for approval, and his mother was probably a drunk; but I, on the other hand. having Neptune in Virgo there, am master of and capable of doing my own reality thingie and recreate my fame regularly. My mother was a Virgin. He cried lacrimoniously as they do with Pisces Moons , but I had no sympathy for him - his dog isn't called Deefa either, that's probably because he's not Oztraylian and can't figure the subtleties of calling a dog Deefa Dog. Wow! Anyway, I agree - if the principle of as above so below and all that is true then who needs charts when we can do it in our heads and just manipulate the universe to suit our own purposes. This is not Linda but her Megalomaniac subpersonality Molly, who doesn't get a pension because she got fired from all her proper jobs. Stop it! It's afternoon and I'm supposed to be visualising planting the cucumbers and visualising their growth.

Is any of this true? (about Dean's chart - Moon/Saturn on MC)
So hard to tell with you Pisceans.

Have you noticed how easily I align myself to certain signs and then disassociate myself from them when I?m talking about their negative traits?

Naturally the Consultation was a bit of creative lying, bs and manipulation of the truth - it's my Virgo Neptune that can't help colouring the truth with various hues of rainbow - but yes, the chart info is genuine - he has Moon Saturn in Pisces on the MC. His data is :

Geoffrey Dean
30 December 1935
4.30 pm GMT
ELTHAM UK
51N22 00W03

I find it really interesting because its like he's scared of the inner realm ( Moon Saturn opposing Neptune and is in some sort of spiritual denial. I suggest he is actually quite psychic but terrified of the side of himself that is irrational and doesn't need to justify itself. H himself could probably do away with the chart if he just learned to trust himself. Interesting chart. Linda